Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
