Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
