Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
