There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
