here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
