wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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