Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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