What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
