remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We were destined to go to rehab together
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
