its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
