omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
