you traded sex for a burrito?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
