Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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