I hate all girls vehemently.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
