I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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