So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
