So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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