Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
