Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
