Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
