There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
