anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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