i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
