I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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