Already got asked if we're dating
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
