so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
