when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
