i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
