We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
