Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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