You made me cry and you don't even care
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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