like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
