Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
