I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
