I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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