so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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