Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
