you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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