I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
