Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
