he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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