I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
