He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
