I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
