I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
North Korea, Best Korea!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
