whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
