This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
