i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
