pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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