It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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