Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
