2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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